What the Hell Happened Here!
by Embyr Black
Summary: Mix some not so popular HP characters, A Vampire, A Pirate and David Letterman and chao ensues. And none of the aforementioned ppl belong to me at all. on the other hand if i owned the well nevermind
1. What The Hell Happened Here

Once upon a time there was a poor orphaned boy. He had no family and lived  
in a really horrible place.  
Then out of nowhere came a midget man  
Midget Man ~ Keep good soldiers in Green  
Orphaned boy ~ huh  
Harry ~ is this a fic about me?  
EB ~ mayyyyyyyyyyyybe mayyyyyyyyyyyyyyybe not  
Riddle ~ **jumps up and down very hyperly** it's me isn't it, isn't it. It  
has to be me  
A door creaks open and who should walk in, none other than Dumbledore  
Albus ~ I just thought I would drop by and tell ya'll that I have been  
keeping some very important news from you. There is good news and bad news.  
I am going to tell you the bad news first because; well I don't have to  
tell you. Bad news is Harry Lily isn't ur mother, James had an affair w/  
another women who had green eyes just like lily. Her name is Mary Sue.  
Harry ~ wha.then how did I get saved from Voldadork by love?  
Albus ~ beats the hell outta me  
Harry ~ so what is the good news  
Albus ~ I just saved 100 galleons on my insurance  
Harry **is so angry his face and hair turn red** WHY YOU STUPID OLD  
CRACKPOT FOOL!  
Hagrid suddenly appears  
Hagrid ~ NOBODY AND I MEAN NOBODY GETS AWAY WITH CALLING ALBUS A CRACKPOT  
OLD FOOL **brings out umbrella points it at Harry and turns him into a cute  
fluffy neon orange kitten  
Albus ~ Turn him back ya dummy  
Hagrid **starts crying and turns him back** noboda love's me anymore **runs  
away**  
Hermione ~How come I am not mentioned? I am the smart one  
Ron ~ ya how come she isn't?  
Ginny ~ Harry, I love you with all my hearts  
Harry ~ you have more than one?  
Ginny ~ yes I have 60  
Luna ~ who wants to go looking for snrogal hammy Inkle's?  
Everyone ~ go away  
Malfoy ~ daisy  
Everyone raises eyebrows then nods their head slowly  
Will Turner ~ Has anyone seen thy fair lady Miss Black  
EB ~ Right here Babe  
Will ~ would thou likest to go for a stroll by thee lake  
Everyone ~ She can't go she has to write this story  
EB ~ you can do it without me.  
EB walks off w/ Will Turner and things happen  
Ron ~ yeah now I write  
Once upon a time there was a white bouncing ferret that got runned over by  
a thestral. The End.  
Draco ~ hey that's no story ya dumb poor weasel it goes like this. Once the  
Dark Lord ruled all he made Mr. Draco Malfoy ruler of all that was green  
and good and pink and happy  
Hermione ~ u nitwit that isn't how it goes. It goes like this There once  
was a white bouncing ferret  
Harry ~ that's the same one as Ron. I should tell it as I am the character  
the books are named after. Once Voldadork was killed by me the Golden Boy,  
The Boy Who Lived, The-Boy-Who-Wouldn't-Die, The-Leader-Of-The-Dream-Team,  
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century-Never-Loses-A-Match  
Random person hits him over the head with a frying pan  
Trelawny ~ it shou. **falls over stunned**  
Snape ~ All of the house students besides Slytherin die The End  
Snape mysteriously ends up with several curses placed on him  
Then there's a sudden silence, nobody was trying to make up another B.S.  
story and there was only one reason for that. The author went AWOL.  
Ginny ~ Has anyone seen Embyr?  
Everyone shakes their head  
Ginny ~ well she has to be somewhere we need to find her.  
Ron ~ have u tried the compooter thingy?  
Hermione ~ Ron it's a computer and she isn't one it, if she was this story  
would have some kind of plot right now.  
Ron ~ **turns beet red** oh. Well what about her bed? I heard she likes to  
sleep a lot.  
Ginny ~ yes we should try there, she could very well be sleeping  
Herm ~ what if she is? Do we wake her or let her sleep on in peaceful bliss  
where she dreaming about odd things like getting knocked up and flying on a  
mop or knocking the crap at people.  
Ginny ~ Maybe she is dreaming about telling off all those fucking  
illiterate fucks that can't read or hear when they go to check out at  
Wal~Mart?  
Luna ~ I say if she is dreaming about the telling off we should let her.  
Its better she get it done in her dream than in reality cuz she would get  
fired and then couldn't afford to have her comp anymore? And that would be  
bad.  
Malfoy ~ bad how? Then she spend all day updating her numerous unfinished  
fic's and come up with more fic's like What Was I thinking and I can't be  
your friend anymore.  
Lavender runs up to everyone panting  
Lavender ~ I FOUND HER! I FOUND HER!  
Harry ~ Where is she?  
Lavender ~ She's hiding in the closet writing to a vampire  
Ginny ~ what a freak.  
Draco ~ Oreo  
Herm ~ Malfoy get a life  
Wormtail ~ I like fluffy yellow things  
Voldadork ~ where's my Big Bird stuffed animal and Tickle Me Elmo  
Colin ~ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH its Voldie-Poo  
Malfoy ~ Boo  
Colin runs away screaming like a little girl  
Dennis ~ What a wimp  
Cho ~ Harry I just wanna date you because you killed Cedric  
Ginny ~ Back off! He is mine. No one understands him better than I do. We  
are both marked by Voldadork and have nightmares about him. So **sticks out  
tongue**  
Embyr Black walks back in  
EB ~ What the hell happened here?  
Ron ~ Why are you writing to a Vampire?  
EB ~ **blushes** I was not writing to a Vampire, I was writing to THEE  
Vampire Lestat.  
Lestat ~ I heard my name  
EB ~ **looks wide eyed and starts drooling and then faints**  
Lestat ~ what happened to her?  
Herm ~ she is obsessed with you.  
Lestat ~ Oh, another one.  
Lavender ~ **reading the letters** Says here she wants nothing more than to  
be one of your kind. And is already a vampire in ways. Say's she likes the  
taste of blood, more active during night, already has a fondness for biting  
and hates the mortal world she lives in.  
Lestat ~ maybe I should make her into one of my kind  
Lavender ~ wait! Also says that you don't even have to make her into one,  
you could kill her but she would prefer being made into a vampire or even  
take a Little Drink. What's a little Drink?  
Lestat ~ you don't kill them or make them into one you just take enough  
blood to last you for a bit before you find someone else to actually kill.  
Everyone looks wide eyed  
David Letterman ~ and the number 7 complaint Bush has in England, Harry  
Potter doesn't call back  
Harry ~ So that's who's been leaving all those messages  
Ron ~ is there something you need to tell us Harry  
Snape ~ 100 points from Gryffindor  
Herm ~ Bugger off you old greasy git, you can't take points from us, we  
aren't even at school.  
Snape ~ ok then another 900 when we get back to school  
Binns ~ I wanna die  
Susan Bones ~ you are dead Professor.  
Binns ~ oh, I guess I forgot  
Embyr ~ **wakes up and rubs head** what happened, I could have sworn that  
Lestat de Lioncourt was here  
Lestat ~ I am here  
Embyr ~ Oh.My.God.  
Malfoy ~ Frodo  
L. Malfoy ~ Boy, get back here this instant and quit naming muggle things  
Vernon ~ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I am surrounded by a bunch of freaks  
Petunia ~ **shivers** Azkaban  
Dudley ~ **balling his eyes out** MOMMY  
Moony ~  
F&G ~ HEY ITS ONE OF THE MARAUDERS!  
Moony ~ hello Fred and George.  
F&G ~ You know us?  
Moony ~ yes I also taught you  
F&G ~ PROFESSOR LUPIN??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
Moony ~ **bows down** at your service  
Padfoot ~ Moony *why* are you bowing?  
Moony doesn't get the chance to reply because the author has decided that  
she is no longer hyper enough to continue this no matter how much sugar or  
Mt. Dew she inhales 


	2. Thank You's

Kyra Invictus Black ~ Hmm that could be interesting. Not a clue if I am  
going to write a sequal. But will let u know if I do Thxs, glad my work is  
working up to Aweome.  
  
Lone-Strider ~ Yes they can be brutal, I know this I got flamed a plenty  
for some of my other work I ended up taking it down. Ne who thanks for  
liking my story  
  
Mistress of the Darkness ~ fan of Anne Rice? I just started reading her  
latest book. Its starts out a bit weirder than the others.  
  
Snowflake1040 ~ you don't know who Lestat is?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Have you seen  
Interview with the Vampire? If you had, Tom Cruise plays Lestat. And in  
Queen of the Damned its Stuart Townsend. If you haven't read the Vampire  
Chronicles by Anne Rice, you should. They are great books.  
  
PadfootsAngel1 ~ thank you, don't have time know but will later.  
  
I would have done this all lastnight but I crashed when I got home. Of  
course my job picks the one night that I haven't had sleep in over 24hrs.  
to ask me to stay 2 hours later than usual. **yawns** I just woke up from a  
blissful 10 and a half hour nap ne who check out my other fic's  
  
Embyr Black 


	3. The Quest

The sun was out and birds were singing some sweet melody. Leaning over, a  
hand resting on the trunk of a very large tree whose blossoms smelled of  
something sweet, a young man was making his insides become outsides. Once  
he was done he made a fist and shook it angrily towards the ever so blue  
sky.  
"Are you mad? What in bloody hell are you thinking trying to make  
everything so perfect? Where's the rain, the snow, thunder, hail? Where's  
the dark dreary depressing forest full of eerily glowing mist and freaky  
colored moon? What are you trying to do? Write some sicking sweet fan  
fiction?  
EB ~ Quiet before I make you enjoy this.  
Man ~ You can't do this to me. I'm a Warlord Prince. I de- oh look a pretty  
little pink flower. (Picks flower) oh what have I done? I killed the poor  
flower oh woe is me. I am a murderer and now I shall accept my punishment.  
What is my punishment Mistress?  
EB ~ (grins evily) you shall wear this foul disgusting cheaply made lime  
green tie with bright spots of pink yellow and orange.  
Man ~ Oh please anything but that, Can't I wear a ring of obedience?  
JK ~ if you don't mention or make on of the HP characters a big deal in  
this plot less pointless random fic you shant put it in the Harry Potter  
section.  
EB ~ oh drats. Take away all my fun why don't you JK. Hey you man, what's  
your name?  
Man ~ Mistress oh high and mighty Mistress, my name shall be whatever you  
wish it to be.  
EB ~ Really then? Your name shall be Guess.  
Man ~ Sam? Rocky? Adam? Justin? Alex? Terri? Joseph? Bob? Charles? Dustin?  
Ernest? Frank? Giles? Homer? Ian? Kevin? Louis? Mark? Neo? Oswald? Patrick?  
Quinn? Uriel? Vittorio? Waldo? Xander? Yoshi? Zulu?  
EB ~ (laughing like mad) No dimwitted one your name shall be Guess.  
Man ~ I am afraid Mistress I do not understand  
EB ~ of course you wouldn't. Let me make it simple. When you hear me say  
Guess you shall respond to me.  
Guess ~ Yes Mistress.  
EB ~ Guess, go find whatever scaly wags wonder through my halls and gather  
them here. If they protest just tell them you know about you know what and  
will tell you know who. They shouldn't give you any problems.  
Guess just stood there.  
EB ~ Well be gone now, I have a very important thing I need to discuss with  
them.  
With Guess gone she was left to do as she pleases. The only problem with  
this power was that the company she kept had an IQ that went lower than the  
deepest pit of Hell  
15 solitaire games, 2 24 packs of Mt Dew, 32 Pay Days later the fool known  
as Guess appeared with an group of followers.  
Guess ~ Mistress I have brought you those that wandered your Holy Hall. I  
have brought you Ron Stoppable from the far away Lands of Middleton along  
w/ his pet Rufus. There's Papa Smurf, Helga Pataki, Bedtime Bear and Grumpy  
Bear, Doug Funnie, Kali, Zazu, Ducky, Spike, Spike(the Vamp), Monk and  
finally Orlando Bloom.  
EB ~ You did well my young grasshopper, now go hop along to do whatever it  
is you do. Come back in 5 minutes. I want you to go pick up this stuff as  
this is going to be a long day.  
Monk ~ (see's Rufus) AHHHHHHH naked mole rat, get it away get it away it's  
infested w/ germs.  
Ron ~ Hey, don't diss the Naked Mole Rat.  
Spike the Vamp ~ How is this possible? Me in sunlight? Still in one piece?  
EB ~ QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Everyone stops and stares at the mad women wearing a very bright neon  
orange furry hat.  
EB~ hem, hem. Now we before we get to the reason behind this top secret  
meeting, I need to know what you all want to eat.  
Shouts of food and drink can be heard none making much sense since there  
was 13 voices shouting at once.  
EB ~ I SAID QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you. Now one at a time. You  
with the naked pet. (pointing to Ron) What do you want to eat?  
Ron ~ NACOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
EB ~ ok then (writes that down on a notebook that suddenly appeared out of  
nowhere) What about you blue shorty?  
Papa Smurf ~ I want a Whooper w/ lots of onions and mustard and pineapple  
SpongeBob ~ Hey what happened to Mr. Krab?  
Everyone ~ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH its SpongeBob.  
All of a sudden everyone had torches and pitchforks dressed in overalls.  
Doug ~ ATTACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!  
At that said everyone went charging at the annoying sponge. Embyr sat back  
enjoying the madness that had developed over his appearance. And then  
decided to shout out a helpful subtle hint.  
EB ~ MAKE SURE ITS SLOW AND PAINFUL  
5 days later  
EB ~ Ok Now that we are done with that uhh Helga what do you want?  
Helga ~ (drools) I want Arnold  
EB ~ ok then, umm Bedtime Bear and Grumpy Bear  
Bedtime ~ (yawn) I want (yawn) a (double yawn) extra cheesy pizza  
Grump Bear ~ Meatloaf with Passion Fruit Gatorade  
Doug ~ I want Mayonnaise, Patty Mayonnaise  
Kali ~ woof woof bark woof arf arf woof bark bark grrrrrrrrr  
Zazu ~ earth worms w/ a side crickets  
Ducky ~ Pineapple Pizza, strawberry cheesecake, French toast and a Screw  
Driver. Yup, yup, yup  
Spike ~ ........................................  
Ducky ~ he wants a Big N Tasty hold the onion and tomato and some Hot Damn  
oh yeah Large Fries and Honey to go with it yup, yup, yup.  
Spike the Vamp ~ well I am not sure you can give me what I need. You do  
realize I am one of the Undead, a Vampire, right?  
EB ~ well just name whose blood you want  
Spike the Vamp ~ (smiles evilly) yours  
EB ~ Can do. Monk, what do you want?  
Monk..................................  
Kali ~ woof bark arf bark bark woof arf  
EB ~ yes I can see he passed out Kali, I am not blind. Orlando Bloom what  
do you want  
Orlando ~ to lay you down on a bed of rose petals while I whispering sweet  
nothings and singing love ballads in elfish under the moonlit night. Oops  
sorry wrong character. Yum I'll have you chained covered in chocolate and  
some Arbor Mist if you please  
Spike the Vamp ~ Hey she's mine Twerp.  
EB ~ Hey there is a enough of me to go around  
Eric ~ What are you doing Embyr?  
EB ~ Ummmmmmmmm welcome to the side I haven't should you yet.  
Eric ~ (Eric backing away slowly) umm yeah ok then, I'll email ya *never  
again, must stop making friends over the internet*  
EB ~ (takes off orange hat and waves it foolishly in her hand) bye, bye  
then bye, bye see you all in America, bye, bye (still waves hat in hand)  
Alright now that I have everyone's list we shall begin. GUESS COME HERE  
NOW  
Guess ~ Yes Mistress?  
EB ~ (hands him a list) GO and get everything on that List and you had  
better get everything. Oh yeah pick up some handcuffs and chocolate  
syrup.  
Guess ~ Yes Mistress (bows down and then flies away)  
EB ~ Now that the important matter is settled the next big issue is. Who  
has the cd player?  
.............(crickets chirp)....................  
EB ~ Fine (waves hand around in seemling important motion and *poof* a cd  
player has appeared)  
Who has request?  
Everyone has hands raised Embyr looks around.  
EB ~ no well then I choose and its.................................................. My Immortal.  
Song starts to play  
i'm so tired of being here  
suppressed by all of my childish fears  
EB ~ OK now that's settled. What Harry Potter Character shall take a spot  
in my oh so grand fan fic? Now don't start answering yet, I want at least 2  
choices and a reason why s/he should be in my fic! You have 2 mintues, You  
may begin.  
Everyone looks at her w/ their mouth/beak open in shock.  
and if you have to leave  
i wish that you would just leave  
because your presence still lingers here  
and it won't leave me alone  
EB ~ Lighten up people I am only kidding. We aren't going to start now  
anyways, Guess still hasn't retuned with the food. (hears fluttering of  
wings) Oh About time Guess.  
Guess ~ Sorry I am so late Mistress  
EB ~ Fine, you did get all the food right?  
Guess ~ Well one of them was a bit hard, I mean I didn't know people ate  
other people. And I wasn't even sure if I should bring the poor human  
chicken girl to her doom, but I knew your wrath would be worse so I knocked  
her out and dragged her body through a patch of poison ivy and a ant hill.  
these wounds won't seem to heal  
this pain is just too real  
there's just too much that time cannot erase  
EB ~ I see, well you can go back to your room now.  
Guess ~ I thought it was a closet I was sleeping in. and may I ask why you  
insist I draw jagged lines on my forehead and force me to wear glasses?  
EB ~ You don't question my authority you lowly man servant. I took you in  
and this is how you repay me? All I ask is for a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T find  
out what it means to me. Begone from my sight you lazy pig, I shall deal  
with you later. Ok one at a time, which means you have to form a nice  
straight line kiddies. No pushing and shoving.  
when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
and I've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me  
One by one they got their food and moved out to the tables that suddenly  
appeared  
They ate in silence pondering over the quest they were given. But one  
question had them all caught only one had the balls (figuratively) to ask  
Helga ~ Whose Harry Pothead?  
EB ~ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOW DARE YOU ASK SUCH A  
QUESTION. WHO IS HARRY POTTER? WHY EVERY CHILD KNOWS HIM NAME THERE ARE  
BOOKS WRITTEN ABOUT HIM. WHAT ARE YOU SOME KIND OF EVIL ANTIMAGIC  
MUGGLEBORN. VERNON PUT YOU UP TO THIS DIDN'T HE? VERNON DURSLEY GET YOUR  
ARSE DOWN HERE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Vernon D. ~ (trembling and sweating and shaking) y-ye-yes Mi-Mist-Mistress?  
EB ~ (umbridge voice) did you set this young girl up to asking such a foul  
question.  
you used to captivate me  
by your resonating light  
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me  
these wounds won't seem to heal  
this pain is just too real  
there's just too much that time cannot erase  
Vernon ~ no Mistress, I have no idea where these strangers came from. I  
thought everyone knew who Harry Potter was Mistress.  
EB ~ Fine, get out of my sight you useless piece of flesh. Please raise  
your hand if you do not know who Harry Potter is.  
All hands/paws/wings were raised.  
EB ~ (sighs heavily) ok this is going to be a long night. All here it goes.  
Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four....................2 weeks, one wig and 5 Happy  
Pill refills later.......................Dudley hurrying along in his wake. (eyes sagging  
from lack of sleep and black surrounding aforementioned body part) ok now  
does everyone know who Harry Potter is?  
All hands were raised. Embyr threw her hands in the air IT'S A MIRACLE she  
had shouted.  
EB ~ ok now just write the 2 people you wouldn't mind seeing in my fic and  
why you think they should be allowed in such a elegant work of literature.  
when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
and I've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
and though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along  
EB ~ now get to work. I'm taking a na...... (Embyr's head rolls to the side)  
zzzzzzzZZZZzzzzzzZZZzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZ  
ZZZZZ  
Many years later.......  
EB ~ (yawns really loud) ok so....hey where is everyone? Hey Spike what  
happened?  
Spike the Vamp ~ I got hungry and I wanted to save you for last. (Eyes  
blazing w/ hunger and lust moves so suddenly and has EB pinned to the  
chair, her neck looking so inviting)  
EB ~ Oh well then, let me settle a few last things and then you can carry  
on. Hey Guess, come here  
Guess ~ Yes Mistress.  
EB ~ Cut it with the Mistress crap, I am taking off the spell I have you  
under, your free to be you self again  
Daemon ~ Why you stupid lil witch, what makes you think you can do that to  
me I am a Warlord who wears the Black Jewels. You are nothing you haven't  
even gotton any jewels.  
EB ~ If your going to be like this fine. (Another swish of her hand and in  
Daemon's place was a bright neon purple bunny rabbit that had bright blue  
stripes and yellow daisies on his fur coat. Attached to his head was one of  
those Chinese hats that was a very very disturbing shade of green. (turns  
to spike.) Do you like rabbit stew?  
Harry ~ Hey what about who gets to be in the fic?  
EB ~ Uh ummmmmmmmmm its, it's Peeves. Yeah that's who it is.  
All HP Characters ~ WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?????????????????????  
EB ~ Get over yourself, the poor thing hasn't even been in the movies we  
are already on the making of 4th one.  
EB sat at her computer ready to make a Peeves based story when she heard a  
knock at her door. She hollered for whoever it was to just walk right in. A  
middle aged blonde woman entered the room.  
Women ~ I'm afraid you can't publish that story Miss.  
EB ~ And why not? As long as I put a disclaimer on it they cant do anything  
to me. Besides JK never mentioned having a ban put on all fan fiction  
stories.  
Women ~ Well no she didn't, but my mother did.  
EB ~ And your mother has what permission to do this?  
Women ~ My mother is the author's daughter. JK Rowling was my grandmother  
until that fateful day.  
EB ~ What happeded.  
Women ~ Well my grandmother was beaten to death by an estranged fan  
demanding that she bring Sirius back.  
EB ~ Beaten by what?  
Women ~ A stick she claimed to be was her wand. Witness report that the  
girl was screaming Crucio over and over again while beating her over the  
head with it.  
EB ~ Who did it and why is there a ban, wait itsnt but I would have known  
if something that major had happened.  
Women ~ It was a girl by the name Cynthia Smith she died almost the same  
way my grandmother died. Anyway That happened like 40 years ago. Why it's  
the year 2045.  
  
Bit off the wall I know but what else is new. Ne who hope you enjoyed the  
latest bit of my insanity.  
R/R  
Flames welcomed  
  
Embyr Black 


	4. UHPS

Embyr Black sat at her computer staring dumbly at screen. It was the  
ultimate  
HP Story and it was in her head. The only problem was, it didn't want to be  
typed.  
She offered everything to the story including her sanity. The story had  
informed her  
that her sanity had already been taken by the oh so holy bowl of Mac and  
cheese.  
EB ~ What if I get my sanity back and offer it to you?  
UHPS ~ Nah we got enough sanity to last a life time.......but what we don't  
have...  
EB ~ No Please Not That Take me instead Just don't take my Mt. Dew Ne Thing  
but  
that. I swear I'll give u ne thing else just please not the Mt Dew.  
UHPS ~ Whadda you have?  
EB ~ um books lots of book. Stephn King, V.C. Andrews, JK Rowling Anne Rice  
Danielle Steel  
Terry Brooks. u name it Chances are I have it.  
UHPS ~ what else  
EB ~ stuffed animals and lots of those too. cigarettes? gum? my vest from  
work? my name badge?  
my mothers coke collection? a knife collection? my 15 bottles of alcohol  
collection? my paperclip collection? my pin/pen collection? my coloring  
book and crayons? My...........  
UHPS ~ hush we know what we want.  
EB ~ What?  
UHPS ~ your cat  
EB ~ You want Snuffles?  
UHPS ~ no your other cat.  
EB ~ ::eyes widen with shock and horror:: Y You wa-want Lestat?  
UHPS ~ yes, yes we do. and u better give him to us or else we attack you  
with Snape and Draco.  
we will make you watch each of them strip to Brittany Spear's Baby one more  
Time. And then we will  
make you watch Wormtail do Crucio on Legolas and when he goes insane he  
will precede to do the same thing to that guy on the XXX. After that is  
done we shall go on to having Eminem get attacked by Demantors and you get  
to watch as they give a sweet kiss. Not to mention they fact we will get  
every fan fic author to couple up Harry and Hermione while Ron gets paired  
with..............Pansy and Ginny with Marcus Flint!  
EB ~ ::glares at them evilly:: You wouldn't dare!!!!!!  
UHPS ~ ::ques music, you start to hear Baby One More Time in the  
background:: Oh Severus and Draco please come out will you. ::Snape and  
Malfoy walk in through a door she didn't see in her head before::  
Dance! ::They start to dance::  
EB ~ ::crying her eyes out:: I won't give you my baby!  
UHPS ~ as you wish remember you have brought this upon yourself  
She makes it through the strip dance though barely. Then Wormtail appears  
holding Legolas with  
a full body bind curse. He raises his wand.  
EB ~ WAAAAAIT you can have the damn cat just don't hurt my elf!  
UHPS ~ we knew you would see it or way.  
Lestat ~ Oh I see how it is now. After all I've done for you, this is how  
you repay me! I kept all those nightmares away from you and you just go and  
trade me of for the Ultimate Harry Potter Story. You'll be sorry you just  
watch and see, Without me you are nothin!!!!!!!! You b!+(h! ::Lestat walks  
over to EB and  
claws her arms up.:: Now look nobody is going to believe you when u say the  
cat did it. The one time its  
true and they won't believe a damn word outta ur mouth.  
Voldemort ~ You tell her Lestat.  
Lestat ~ hey you stay out of this unless you want everyone to know that you  
sleep in a CC thong and pink  
over shirt while you cry yourself to sleep because Luna Lovegood refuses to  
love you. Not to mention if you haven't cried yourself to sleep you listen  
to Justin Timberlake cd's all the while cuddling a huge stuffed  
Cheer Bear Care Bear. Have you told you Death Eaters that your favorite  
song  
happens to be from that stupid over grown purple dinosaur (I can't spell).  
Did you mention your biggest fear was that one day your  
long lost daughter (October) and son (Charles) (twins) would find out how  
you were the one that stole the cookies from the cookie jar. And your  
biggest wish was to be a Power Ranger! And the Pink one at that!!  
Voldemort ~ ::just blushes pulls out wand, points it at himself and mutters  
the killing curse::  
Death Eaters ~ Ding dong the wicked Voldie's dead the wicked Voldie's dead  
ding dong the wicked Voldie's dead the wicked Voldie's dead.  
Harry's fan club ~ And on behalf of The HP Fans land we would like to  
welcome you to Potter Land  
EB ~ ::crying and clutching Mt Dew:: I just want to go home and forget the  
UHPS ever existed  
Dumbledore ~ you had the power to go home all along Dorothy I mean Embyr.  
EB ~ I do?  
Dumbledore ~ yes, the power has always been with you in the form of the Mt  
Dew cans  
all you have to do is take 3 big gulps and say There's no place like  
Zonko's over and over and over  
and over and you get the point.  
EB ~ While y didn't you just say so?  
Dumbledore ~ because the stupid script writer wouldn't let me. ::Starts  
crying:: He never lets me do anything  
I have no reason or will to live any more. Goodbye cruel heartless world  
good bye ::Dumbledore just falls  
over dead::  
Harry ~ NOOOOOOOO SIRIUS I MEAN DUMBLEDORE NOOOOOOOOOOOO. ::glares at  
Embyr:: What did you do  
EB ~ nothin  
Harry ~ YES YOU DID! YOU KILLED HIM I SWEAR I WILL GET MY REVENAGE AND YOU  
WILL PAY  
DEARLY FOR MURDERING HIM!  
Ron ~ Hey Harry  
Harry ~ What  
Hermione ~ Don't tell him Ron  
Harry ~ tell me what?  
Ginny ~ Tell him Ron  
Ron ~ shit who do I listen to my sister or my girlfriend?  
Herm ~ Nooooooooooo  
Ginny ~ Yesssssssssss  
Harry ~ Whattttttttttt issssssss goinggggggggg onnnnnnnnn????????????  
Ron ~ IIIIIIIIII donttttttttttt knowwwwwwwwwwww....................  
baby Simba ~ I just can't wait to be king  
grown up Nala ~ Some king you turn out to be  
Dilbert (from Treasure Planet) Go Dilbert Go Dilbert Go! ::does a lil funky  
dance::  
Legolas ~ ::grabs EB by the hand:: Come let's go so I can lay you down on a  
bed of rose petals while I whispering sweet nothings and singing love  
ballads in elfish under the moonlit night.  
The oh so holy bowl of Mac and cheese ~ Hey where is everyone going? hey  
you yes you scar boy give me your sanity along with grease pit over there.  
What's your name ferret boy u have to give me ur sanity as well  
or else I will make all of u wear Voldie pj's during class!! hahahahahaha I  
am evil  
Darth Vadar ~ Hey ne one see Luke? we are about to do this big scene where  
I tell him I am his father. No  
well thanks any ways.  
Chuckie Finster ~ Tommy I don't think this is such a good idea. Tommy?  
Tommy  
this isn't funny? Tommy! I WANT MY MOMMY!  
Fiona ~ Kool another so weird thing to add to my website  
Jack Dawson ~ I charge 10 cents its free if you look like Rose!  
Harry ~ what the hell is goin on here?  
Zazu ~ well if this is where the monarchy is head count me out out service  
out of Africa I wouldn't hang about. this child is getting seriously out of  
wing  
Sirius ~ who called  
Moony ~ ::licks lips:: yummy a bird  
  
I have issues I know this. But I love my issues they keep me sane most of  
the time any ways.  
Umm r/r flames r accepted. yeah that's it for now enjoy  
Embyr Black  
P.S. I don't know what I was on so I can't share sorry. 


End file.
